The Way I Used to Be

At the start of her senior year, Eden continues having casual sexual encounters with strangers: “I’ve been with fifteen different guys—sometimes it seems like too many, other time it seems like not nearly enough” (235). She is nearly 17 years old and reckless about her future; she does not care if she “bombed the SATs last spring. It’s all fine—great, actually” (236).

After school that day, Eden and Mara meet in the parking to smoke cigarettes before going home. While Mara has transitioned into the solid identity of an “unconventional, artsy” (237) girl for her senior year, Eden is flailing—she continues to use sex as a means of escape, along with alcohol and drugs. Her future is uncertain. Mara is now seeing Cameron, and she tries to encourage Eden to go on a date with Steve, who as it turns out has a crush on Eden. Eden declines, saying that she is not looking for “that” (referring to a relationship) with anyone. Mara drops Eden off at her house, and they make plans to hang out that night; Eden will get beer for them.

Inside, Eden’s house she refers to the fact that “Vanessa and Conner”—how she now refers to her parents—will be home any minute, so she quickly downs a mug full of gin.