The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness

Elyn begins to feel more comfortable with her new colleagues, though she still struggles with interacting in larger groups. She also begins thinking about working on her second law journal article. Elyn hears about the case of a man with “multiple personality disorder (MPD” (254) who is on trial for murdering his parents, and the legal implications of such a case pique her interest. As she ponders it further, she also begins to think about similar questions regarding herself: “Who was I, at my core?” (255). Elyn wonders about the relationship between her illness and her core identity.

Upon Elyn’s first year at USC ending, she urges Kaplan to help her drop the Navane dosage over the summer. Within a month, the “psychosis was in charge” (257). She starts having headaches again, and sees an internist, Dr. Edwin Jacobson, on Kaplan’s recommendation. Dr. Jacobson reassures Elyn and urges her to go back to her usual dosage of Navane, likening her illness to a condition like diabetes that requires a certain level of medication to maintain balance. This analogy sticks with Elyn in a positive way, and she ups her dosage again.

Elyn visits New York briefly, where her parents are, over the summer.