How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

In this chapter, the authors focus on the significant impact that labels and prescribed roles can have on children’s self-perception and behavior. The chapter begins with a personal story from one of the authors about a nurse who labeled her newborn son as “stubborn” after just a few seconds of life. This label, though seemingly innocuous at first, subtly influenced the way she perceived her child’s behavior over the years. The authors emphasize that even well-meaning labels can have long-lasting consequences, leading children to internalize these labels and act according to the roles they’ve been assigned.

Faber and Mazlish explore how children often get cast into roles by their parents, teachers, or peers, such as “the troublemaker,” “the shy one,” or “the bossy one.” These roles can begin innocently, perhaps from a single incident or comment, but can quickly become entrenched as the child begins to see themselves through the lens of these labels. The chapter illustrates how a child who is constantly told they are “bossy” may begin to act more controlling or demanding because they believe that’s who they are expected to be. The authors argue that this pattern inspires a self-fulfilling prophecy, where the child’s behavior aligns with the expectations set by the label.