How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

Content Warning: The book contains discussions on grief, trauma, and mental health, including references to suicide and challenging personal experiences.

In Chapter 1, Brooks reflects on his personal journey from emotional detachment to a more open-hearted and connected way of living. Brooks shares his upbringing in a reserved Jewish family and discusses how the absence of emotional expression resulted in him developing a sense of detachment. He describes how he became a practiced escape artist, avoiding vulnerability and genuine connection with others.

Brooks reflects on pivotal moments in his life, including his college years at the University of Chicago, which he humorously characterizes as a place where “atheist professors teach Jewish students Saint Thomas Aquinas” (4). The author attributes his gradual transformation to becoming a more fully developed human being to various life experiences, such as becoming a father and facing personal challenges. A pivotal moment in his life occurred during a panel discussion at the Public Theater in New York, where he was exposed to a warm and emotionally expressive environment, which prompted him to seek change in his own life.

Brooks acknowledges the importance of social skills in building meaningful connections and asserts that being open-hearted is a prerequisite but not sufficient.