Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

Chapter 7 starts by discussing strategies for maintaining safety when stakes are raised. Sharing “touchy information,” like an impending rejection or a critique of behavior, requires extra caution in order to maintain safety. Staying respectful while being honest about something difficult requires three abilities. The first is confidence. This is the certainty that what is being said is relevant, necessary, and helpful, and everyone will benefit from the addition of that information to the Pool of Shared Meaning. The second is humility. Humility requires understanding that no one has “a monopoly on the truth” (121), and that their opinions should be subject to change if they are shown to be faulty, self-serving, or poorly thought through. The third is skill. Skill involves avoiding obvious traps while engaging in the best strategy for the specific situation at hand.

Although these traits are important, they do not constitute a solid strategy for dealing with difficult subjects. As an example, the married couple Carole and Bob are introduced. Carole has found a receipt for a stay at a motel very close to their home. Carole concludes that Bob is having an affair. Already, the topic is a sensitive one, and obstacles to healthy communication abound.